


His Second Life

by Lesbunnian



Category: Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 15:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbunnian/pseuds/Lesbunnian
Summary: Shan Fu had died many, many years ago. Xu Shu happened to be born on that day. He threw away everything from his past and tries to live his life anew. But his demons from his past route deeper and the angels in his future fly farther away than death. A certain angel that appears will come and go a little too quickly for him. (Originally From Fanfiction.net. Now moving here!)





	1. Prologue: The Death of Shan Fu

“Shan Fu!” 

My mother had called out to me, causing me to rise up from playing with my sword. She waved to me from our house porch and I ran over, happily, to her. She had an unwavering smile, and even more so will. She raised me on her own, financially, physically, and emotionally. She struggles due to the work she has to do and the markets aren’t easy to sell goods, specially with so many successful shops around, but she tries her best and never stops smiling. 

‘That's my mother’ I found myself thinking that so many times, throughout the years. 

Throughout everything my mother stood taller and stronger than anything, As I grew, the more she worked and the more I tried to support her. Even when I was asked to help take revenge on someone. I was offered so much money for a simple job that I had to try. 

‘For my mother.’ I thought, ‘For my mother!’

Back then, I didn’t realize what it had meant to take a life. The consequences, the guilt, the misery, the pain, all that came with crime was blinded by my devotion to my mother. But the day I was caught and carried on a carriage. The day the officers tried to have me identified, I saw my mother again. 

She was old and gray, wrinkles from past smiles staining her pale face. But for the first time, on that day, I saw her weep. My mother wept as she saw me be arrested and paraded around for identification. She wept when she found out that I had killed a man, for money. She wept not for herself, not even for my arresting, but for my actions. My blindness and willingness to do anything caused me to take a man’s life, a man I didn’t even know.

When I was finally freed by my friends, I went back to my mother and asked why she didn’t identify me. When I asked, she looked at me with eyes of pain and said-

“I couldn’t identify you, for you were not the son I once had known. And now you will never be.”

My mother still loved me, I know this. But my mother couldn’t accept what I had done. I couldn’t accept what I had done. That was the last time I saw my mother, the very next morning I left her, So she wouldn’t have to have suffered living with a man she didn’t know. 

With a murderer she didn’t know.


	2. A Game with the Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dragon's are fairly fair players, not that you'll ever win though.

Silence. That's all I hear in this forest. The green of the grass and leaves, the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds. Everything blends so perfectly together. I walk along in this harmonious nature aesthetic. My hood is pulled over my head, hiding my eyes from meeting any life other than nature itself. I hold a bag in one hand and a fiddle with my hood in the other. 

I’m on my way to see The Sleeping Dragon, Zhuge Liang. He is a good friend of mine and he has helped me through a lot. And I occasionally visit him and his wife, Yue Ying. He lives in a secluded home deep in the mountain terrain of Xinye. It’s quite an easy place to come to, if the traveler is perceptive. 

Reaching the gates, I place my hand on the wall and gently attempt to push it open. It seems too stable to open today. Maybe he isn’t feeling well. I knock softly hoping that he or his wife is nearby to allow me in. 

“Zhuge Liang? Yue Ying? It’s me. Xu Shu. I came for a visit.”

More silence. Maybe they’re not home? Or not accepting visitors at least. I rub my chin, having my fingers brush against the stubble on my chin. Then a low rumble, seemingly from nowhere. I look at see dust forming below me. I quickly jump away in a slight panic, having only to look up as the gate slowly but loudly opens. 

On the other side, sat a pale woman, wearing a traditional white and black robe with green accents. Numerous Yin and Yang patterns scattered upon the robe and on in her light chestnut colored hair. She held a nice smile and waved to me kindly, then making a motion for me to lower my hood. 

I do so, reluctantly. “Ah, Yue Ying. I’m guessing your husband is here.”

“Of course. I always stay by his side after all. Come. He was expecting you.” She spoke to me casually but full of wonder and admiration for her lover. 

She turned and allowed me to come inside and I followed, watching her fiddle with a contraption that shut the gate again. I wince from how loud it is. 

“You said he was expecting me. What does that mean?”

She giggles a little and looks back up to me. “It means what it means. I can tell,” she begins to walk, leading me to my friend, “He spoke up this morning, telling me that you will be arriving.”

I can’t help but muster a chuckle. Zhuge Liang has always seemed omnipotent. Without a single letter or call he knew of my arriving to Xinye and even coming to see him. 

“Kongming has always been so bright.” I say casually, calling my friend by his courtesy name. “I don’t even remember the last time I had wrote to him.

Yue Ying looks up to the sky, peeking through the trees leaves, “Yes he has.” She trails off, lost in admiration of her husband.

I can’t help but smile. They have such a lovely marriage. One of mutual respect and admiration. Zhuge Liang pursued after Yue Ying, not even considering her beauty, but more for her charm and discipline. Their love is true, mutual, and very uncommon. But it’s a love I aspire to have. 

We reached a large temple-like home that doubles as a main camp. From first glance no one can really tell that this was a home, people usually think there would be an army behind its doors. But we know better. Upon walking up to the main door Yue Ying opens it and allows me to enter.

Inside is a grass plain with a training area. I see Juggernauts and cannons set up as if they may go to battle at any moment. I go to ask Yue Ying about it, but she walks past me to a back area, where there is another door leading into their actual home. 

I hear a small bit of noise but it quickly dried out when I see a man donning on a matching black and white robe to Yue Ying. He carried a large fan, with white and green feathers. He walks to my direction as I walk to him as well. We stop once we reach other and we’re face to face, Yue Ying stepping over to his side. 

“Kongming.” I say with a small smile.

“Yuanzhi. I’m glad you visited like I foretold.” He replies, gently swaying the fan in his hands. 

“I can tell , your wife so graciously told me so. “ I was thinking about asking him how he knew I would be here, but I simple ended that with a realization that this is Zhuge Liang. So I’ve just grown to accept it. 

I lift up the bag I brought with me and smile even harder at him. 

“Would you like a drink with me?” I offer.

“That sounds nice.”

 

When we entered the house, Yue Ying had took the bottle of Baijiu and went to get us cups. Meanwhile, Liang and I sit on either sides of a small table. But it seems to have a Xiangqi on the table. I look at the well-known game and back up to my friend, to see him smiling (albeit a little mischievously). 

“Um, Kongming? Why do you have Xiangqi out?”

His smile widens and he gently waves the fan over his face. Even with this face, his voice is still soothing and calm. 

“You see, Yuanzhi. I wished to play another round with you.”  
Huh?

“But, Kongming. You are aware I’m not exactly skilled at this game?”

He nods slowly, each and every one of his movements seem slow and melodic. He tilts his head in a friendly manner, further widening his smile. 

“Last time we played, you did exceptionally well to me.” 

“But I still lost.”

“It is not a matter of winning or losing. It is a matter of understanding.” 

This is also just like Zhuge Liang. He tends to speak in ways that may be hard for someone of less caliber to understand. At this moment, I feel a vein sense of understanding and fear. But I soon nod and agree to play the game. As we set up our pieces, Yue Ying enters with small bowls of rice and cups of Baijiu. She sits to the side of the table, nodding to her husband before settling in and sipping her liquor. Zhuge Liang didn’t even look at the food, eyes still focused on me as I set up my side. 

There it was, my pieces were set, the game board was done, and Zhuge Liang already knew he had won. We’ve played Xiangqi together plenty of times, but none that I’ve won. I’m aware that my mind isn’t of the caliber of my friend, so it never bothered me whenever I lost quickly. This ‘exceptionally well’ time I played was because I actually took down more than 4 of his pieces. But that’s not exactly a feat. 

Without a single warning he had moved a Foot Soldier forward. I looked at the single piece cautiously. I settled with moving my Cannon piece forward. Another Foot Soldier step. Is this a trap? Is he trying to sacrifice the foot soldier?

I move my Horse piece to the right. He moves his Cannon to the left, and nonchalantly drinks the Baijiu. Yue Ying looks up to her husband and eats some rice casually. Too casually.

She must know his plan. But what could it be? I move the Horse diagonally right. His Chariot moves left, as if chasing my Horse now. Is he trying to capture it? I can sacrifice a Foot Soldier to hinder the chase. I have a Foot Soldier step forward, but that soldier fails his job due to in a couple of moves he was taken by a Horse of Kongming’s. 

As the game continued, I have only take the Foot Soldier of his initial strike, but he has taken a Foot Soldier, a Horse, and a Cannon. I was quickly running out of options. He had another Foot Soldier ,Chariot, a Canon, and a Horse on my side of the ‘river’ and drawing closer to the fortress of my Counselor and General. My Minister takes a diagonal step, attempting to slow the rush. But in only a couple of moves, it was gone. His Horse and Chariot surrounds my fortress, and I know there’s nothing I can do. 

“Stalemate.” He bluntly states. 

A sigh escapes my lips, after the rush of suspicions and brain power, all-in-all I lost. Kongming smiles in a friendly way and nods to me as I bow to him. 

“That game was rather interesting,” Yue Ying claims “For a moment there I thought both of your strategies would clash and end with a draw.”

“Thank you for the flattering Ying.” I didn’t mean it in a negative way, but it feels as if I had lost from the very first move. 

“Yuanzhi,” We both face Liang and he places down an empty rice bowl. He gently places his beloved fan on the ground beside him, only for Ying to pick it up herself. He reaches over and grabs the Chariot piece and holds it out to me. 

“Take this piece.”

“Huh, you wish for me to have this Chariot?” 

He simply nods in reply, and places it in my hands. Slowly, his hand slides away, leaving the small piece. 

“This piece, alone, will help guide you on your newest journeys. I pray that it will assist you in finding yourself and your path.”

I may didn’t fully understand why, but I accepted the piece. I trusted Kongming and I knew he wouldn’t steer me wrong. If this piece is to help me on my journey, then so be it. I may not understand now, but I soon will. 

After eating and enjoying a conversation, I took my leave, Yue Ying had seen me out and Zhuge Liang had given me some food, for survival. He told me how to find the closest village and to talk to an associate of his for housing. I have to find a man of the name Pang Tong and it seems like he will be willing to help me. It’s a relief. 

I wave them goodbye and walks away from the now closing gate. I hadn’t realized it became night during my time there. The howling of wolves and the cold breeze against me had made me realized how beautiful the Xinye nights are. I lift my hood up and step again in the silence of the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! Ready to suffer with me again! (Or for the first time! Either way Suffering for everyone!)


	3. A Lazy Landlord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earning a new home isn't easy.

The village was small and quaint. Children ran around and played with parents watching from afar. Markets ran smoothly, with no hint of trouble in sight. A child pushes by me in a goofy way and waves back with an ‘I’m sorry’. I simply wave back, smiling from the refreshing air of this village. It’s peaceful and calm. 

I look over to see a man banging on a scalding piece of metal. 

A blacksmith. Perfect.

I walk over and quietly tap his shoulder. He looks up, with his tan skin and large beard he also seemed to have a scar over his cheek. At first he seemed violent, turning at me with mean glare.

“Whaddya want?”

I tilt my head and rummage through my large coat for a minute, pulling out my broken Sword and Hook. His eyes seem to gleam upon seeing the broken sword and the worn out ribbon. 

“I would like to have my weapon fixed. It broke it in a battle yesterday. Is there a way to fix i-”

The weapon is swiped from my hands and lifted into the sunlight to glisten in honor. The man studied it, from the inscriptions on the sword to the ribbon’s fabric and the hooks very material. I have never seen anyone take such an interest in my weapon before. 

“What craftsmanship! The inscriptions on the sword are so small but seeable, the ribbon itself is made of strong fabric! Made to pull a cow! Even the little blade of the hook has been detailed!”

“Um….Thank you?”

Then the seemingly glorified moment ended when he saw the damage. Half of the sword was snapped off. He went silent, as if absorbing the information.

“.....What did you do?”

“Huh?”

His voice was like a low rumble, the volcano’s about to burst.

“WHAT...did you do?”

I stepped away placing space in between me and him, lifting my hands in a hope to stop his anger.

“Well I was attacked by bandits last night, so I had to defend myself. But one of the bandits had a large sword that sliced through my own. And that’s the result.”

He turns to me, with a confused face, that quickly switches to anger. 

“Did you take them down?”

I didn’t know how to react, but I decided on a simple nod. His face changed drastically to a large grin. A haughty laugh and next I was off the ground, being spun and carried into the air and quickly placed back down. My hood fell off my head and I dusted off my coat.

“So...Can you fix it please?”

“No problem! A beauty like this doesn’t deserve such a short life span!” He leans over and pats my back, hard. I cough and straighten up. 

“First you need to have a newly made sword and a replacement ribbon. The hook just needs to be sharpened and you’ll be good to go!”

 

“Thank you, Sir. How long will this take?”

He strokes his fluffy beard, and thinks hard. He swings the ribbon gently side to side and then point to me harshly. 

“Come back by 7 tonight! I’ll have your weapon at least ready for testing!”

“Thank you again si-

“Lu Huang! Save the formalities, you’re letting me handle your weapon. It’s like your child!”

He wraps an arm around me roughly and lets out another haughty laugh. I smile and nod.

“Xu Shu. Thank you again Lu Huang.”

I walked away from Lu Huang’s blacksmithing shop both relieved and exhausted. He's truly energetic. I guess he's a true rough man with a gold heart. 

Zhuge Liang had told me this Pang Tong man lived in a house secluded from the village and that there’s a small path to reach it. Again, it takes a perceptive eye to spot it. I put my hood on my head again and carefully venture out to find the path. I pass plenty of houses and waved to many kids and parents. They all were nice and lively, I felt a little out of place. This is all reminds me of-

I can’t think about that--

My search has ended up with nothing so I decided to sit down and eat some the food Kongming gave me. I open the bag and eat a couple of small bites, leaning back and laying on the clear grass. I take deep breaths and soak in the surrounding nature. 

This village is surrounded by nature, with no sort of base or anything to protect it from threats, maybe they have warriors or soldiers here? Or maybe that’s why Kongming set up his home so close to this village.

I look around a little more and spot a small brown patch of ground. I sit up and look closer to it. I can’t really tell from my position. 

“What is that?” 

I stand up and gather my materials and walk over to it, I use my hand to push through a large group of bushes and find a brown path, surround by trees and more bushes. I..I found the path!

I step through the bush and start walking down the path, carefully. It seems blocked off and hidden by the tall trees and leaves of the bushes. Occasionally, sliding in between overgrown branches I soon reach an open area with a little shack in the center. This must be Pang Tong’s home. 

I step closer and look around, the blue sky was all but hidden completely by the tall trees, sunlight’s rays peeking through each branch, The bushes that surrounds it was well kept, seemingly recently cut. Even the scent of the grass seemed fresh. There’s no hint of danger or-

FWOOM!

“Ah!” 

….I stand corrected.

Flames had randomly risen from the ground under me, causing me to jump away in a hurried panic. I try to absorb what happened. 

“Flames? Here?”

“Well, well what do we have here?”

I look up to a branch and see an older man sitting on the branch wearing a large green robe with a large brown hat over his head. He held a large but thin battle fan and rubbed the wooden material of his hat casually. He yawns and stretches as he looks down at me. 

“You’re no ordinary bandit. No one should’ve been able to find my shack.”

 

“I’m no bandit at all, Master Pang Tong.”

His eyes seem to widen at me using his name, he then strokes his chin, pondering. I stand straight and bow to him respectively. 

“I am Xu Shu, a friend of Zhuge Liang’s. He said I should come to you if I needed a place of residence.”

“Ah You’re friends with the Sleeping Dragon. Now it makes sense how you found me.” 

He cracks some bones as he attempts to stand on the branch, after standing completely, he step forward. 

 

“Master Pang Tong! You’re going to-”

“Relax, relax.” he waves off my concern and steps of the branch. Wind circulates and comes under him, allowing him to gently float down to the ground. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!

 

“Sorcery?” I ask, dumbfoundedly. 

Master Pang Tong walks over to me after stretching more with a yawn and taps my chest twice with the back of his hand. 

“A little magic never hurt anyone. Now come.”

He walks towards his shack, almost as if he is wobbling. I follow him closely behind, in case another flame appears. When we entered the house, it was very rustic looking, with a small cough and a bookshelf in the corner. A wooden table in the center with a fur rug on the floor under it. I kneel and rub the rug and feel its soft fur. 

“Now, you needed a place to stay right?”

“Oh. Yes Sir.” I stands back up straight and bow again. 

I hear him stretched and let out a groan. He laid on his side and uses the battle fan to scratch his back. 

“You know it’ll cost you.”

“I...I don’t have any money.”

“Well then, you’ll have to make some.”

I lower my arms and blink in a confused manner. Make the money? How?

“Um..”

 

“Before you ask me how,” he raises his finger, “I know a way.”

 

I tilt my head and stare at Master Pang Tong. I try to read his actions, but he moves so leisurely and slowly it’s hard to tell. It’s like reading Kongming, it can’t be done. 

“You know, the village has actually a little problem with bandits. Recently, Old Mother Ling had lost a family pendant that was worth quite a bit of money, from being robbed by a bandit. Take care of that, and I’m sure she’ll reward you.”

I see what he is doing now, my ‘rent’ is to be paid by the people whenever I help them. And Old Mother Ling will be my first client. 

“I see. Where can I find Old Mother Ling?”

“She is the old woman that sells fruit, Got to her and tell her I sent you.”

I nod and lift up my hood, and turn to leave the shack. 

“Be sure to pick up your weapon from Huang too.”

Master Pang Tong really is perceptive and impressive. Or he simply heard Lu Huang’s loud reactions. 

“Yes, Thank you.”

I open the door, hearing the creak and leave the shack. Walking away from the secluded home and trees. Making my way back to the small village, with a new goal. Well, I never expected to have to pay rent, but whatever puts a roof over my head. Plus this village is very nice and calm, it makes me feel warm. I think I will like my new home here. 

If only …


	4. A Gold for a Deed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Village people are nice if a bit weird though.

Old Mother Ling was...an interesting woman. 

She seems to be a lady brought up on the battlefield, her demeanor is that of a rough and tough pirate and she speaks as if she has a problem with everyone. It’s as if Lu Huang has been doubled and became a female. Overall she is a nice woman. 

When I had approached her and told her who I was and why I was there. She shook my hand and asked me if I had any fighting experience. I replied with yes, of course. She ended up telling me about how the bandits surrounded her and stole her family pendant because it ‘looked like was worth a damn lot’. I asked her did she know of the bandits but ended up with no information to help me, as she only replied with a rage filled rant. 

I left her fruit stand a little more confused than I started. It seems as if these bandits came from nowhere, but they must have a base nearby since Master Pang Tong said the whole village had a problem with them. It could be numerous groups? I mean with the village not being surround by a base or weaponry it’s easy to infiltrate and cause havoc. That’s a possibility. For now I should for emblems or symbols or even leftover items of the bandits to really investigate into this.

I walk down the road of the village and think to myself. If the bandits are nearby they can’t be to the west, that’s the mountain range and Liang would never let so untrustworthy people near his base and home. So that leaves the north, south, and east. They could be within the village itself, posing as normal citizens until they can benefit from stealing something? No, a bandit wouldn’t think so hard about something like that. Most bandit activity is based upon their territory. If so, then where is there territory? Do they even have a territory? This village is small it shouldn’t take a large group to steal from here. Plus, why would a large bandit gang be here in the middle of Xinye? This obviously isn’t-

“HEY! XU SHU!”

Lu Huang’s shouting snapped me awake from my intense pondering and I look at him. He was waving to me and lets out a loud chuckle. I walk over and bow to him. 

“Hello again, Lu Huan-” Not again. 

His arm is around me and he roughly rubs my head, as if I was a son. 

“You seemed in really deep thought! Careful, if you think too much you’ll become a statue!”

I chuckle as well, slowly bringing myself away from him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So what’s wrong? Worried about your weapon?”

I shake my head. “No, not at all. I know it is in capable hands. What I was thinking about was the recent bandit issues that Master Pang Tong has told me about.” 

Lu Huang’s face had scrunched up in a disgusted manner. I’m guessing he knows of them. 

“Those damn bandits. They have been attacking our village for years. Recently, the leader has been spotted and seems to be plotting against us.”

That’s one question answered, but it seems like Lu Huang knows them very well.

“I see. Why terrorize this village? It hasn’t done anything to them has it?”

He rubs his beard again, thinking to himself silently. A seemingly, he settled on a lazy shrug.

“But they stay in a base a little ways to the east of here. I’m guessing you’re going to do something about it.”

“Well, yes. That was my intention.”

A loud, haughty laugh escaped the large man’s throat and he patted my back twice. Ow..

“Can’t confront a group of bandits empty-handed now can ya’! Come on! I just finished your new weapon while you were off!” 

That was fast, the weapon was snapped cleanly in half. Lu Huang must be very talented. He turned around and went into his shop, I hear some laughter and shouting inside of it and then he came out with a case in one hand and a child in the other. It was a young girl and she had raven black hair and brown eyes, matching her father, but she was much paler. She looked like a toddler, and she had reached to me with a large smile on her face. 

“Now, now. Looks like you’re popular!” We chuckled a little and I let his child grab my finger for a little while. 

He then lifts the case to me and smiles proudly. I take the case and place in on the ground and carefully open it. I slowly lift the top of the box. 

The sword was sharp and glistens in the dim sunlight. There was a small inscription on it, with the name of his shop. The hilt was golden and seemed to have been recleaned. I couldn’t even tell that the hilt used to be covered in dirt and grime. The ribbon in between the hook and sword looked strong and was a bright red instead of my original white one. This one was also much longer giving me more of a leverage and reach in battle. The stitchwork one the ribbon was very well done. The ribbon was securely attached to the hook, who had a match golden hilt and was sharpened and cleaned. I was shocked by the amazing work, it looked better than it did before.   
“I’m guessing I did a great job?”

I slowly reach into the box and take the weapon. Observing it closely and staring at my refection in the blade. My brown eyes widen and how clear I looked and seemed. I look up to Lu Huang who is now bouncing his daughter. I stand up and bow respectively. 

“Thank you so much, Lu Huang! I don’t know how I could ever repay-”

I felt a hand on my head, and he rubbed my head softly. When he moved it, I looked back up at him. I hear his shop door open and A woman walk out, She was small and had short black hair with a red pin holding her bangs back. She wore a traditional robe and waved to me, nicely. This must be his wife. 

Lu Huang’s ar, wrapped around his small wife and he leaned in a kissed her forehead, Her eyes sparkling with life at the action. It reminded me of Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. An eternal love or respect and protection. Of equality and life, a union of love. True Love.

My thought were interrupted by Lu Huang giving me a thumbs up, with encouragement. 

“You can repay me by taking those bandit’s down.”

His voice then drowned out, and his smile went from friendly to more sincere. 

“Help the village, Help our home.”

I nod to him and his wife bows to me. I bow back and then turn to walk off. I wrap the ribbon around my hand a couple of times and grasp firmly on the hilt of the sword. I can’t fail.   
This is more than about me trying to find a home. This is about protecting a village full of love, sincerity, and care. The men, women, and children of this village care deeply about their small amount of possessions and the families they live with. 

I will do all in my power to make sure this village will be safe.


	5. Infiltration and Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bandits aren't very reasonable, but that's to be expected.

“You know this pendant looks like crap after getting another good look at it.”

 

The silver piece of jewelry dangled in the young man’s rough hands and he smacked it around a little with his finger. The man beside put his hand on his hip and let out a rude burp. 

“Well at this point everything from that shithole of a village is worth nothing. But whatever gets me a meal in my stomach and a woman in my bed.”

“That’s true.”

They chuckle and he twirls the pendant roughly. I watch them from on top of a tree branch that I had climbed onto. 

They disgust me.

Treating Old Mother Ling’s prized possession like that? It’s worse than offensive and then even calling the village a shithole. They obviously aren’t exactly the brightest. 

I kneel down and watch them closely as they go inside the base and it’s door closes. It looks like the bas has been modified into a weird Supply and Treasure base. The dragon statues in the front had bowls in their hands and the they also has bowls with jewels and items that were stolen in them. I looks over and see another opening on the side. If I just walk over there, that won’t end well. I have to stay afar for now. 

I grab the sword with one hand and twirl the hook side in my other. I launch it as silently as I can and it hooks to another tree. I jump of the branch and try my best to quietly and smoothly glide to the other tree. I slid through the air seamlessly and plant my feet on the branch of the tree. Yanking my hook free, I see the other opening. Currently, the only person there is a bandit who is sleeping. 

I take this chance and carefully climb down the tree. Upon touching the ground, I run as quickly as I can inside. Upon passing the door I lean against a wall behind a little structure in the corner of the base. Peeking over the corner, I see a large group of bandits, drinking and partying casually. 

I gloss all over the area only to find the original man with the pendant in the corner bluntly flirting with a poor handmaiden.

They truly are despicable. 

I move closer and start to plan out my moves. But then I hear the maiden scream. I observe harder to see the man attempting to undress her!

“Let go of me!!! “ Her voice was cracking from her tears. 

All I heard was a chuckle. Unconsciously, I ran out and jabbed him roughly in the gut with the hilt of my sword. He let out a rough grunt and cough. I looked up to the woman and nodded to her. Her tearful eyes calmed as she nodded back. 

“Hey!! Who the HELL are you?!”

I knew I’ve been spotted. I turn and look at the angry group of bandits who now attempt to surround me. This is not going to end well. At least not how I wanted. 

I turn back to the handmaiden and smile at her. 

“Please get out of here.”

She nods quickly and runs as fast she can. They turn to get her but I twirl my sword and catch it and point it to them. 

“Now that I have your attention. I have a request. Return everything you stole from the village and no less. And I’ll leave peacefully.”

They scoff and smirk at me, taking out their weapons. 

“ You really think we’re scared of you?! You’re just one,’ The one below me says as he slowly gets up from my blow. “And we’re many.” 

They all laugh and get ready to come at me. Of course this wouldn’t go well. 

“Fine, but remember that I tried to do this nicely.” 

I quickly use the hilt of my sword to hit the one below me and take the pendant. He grunts as he falls to the ground again and I charge at the large group. Letting go of the hilt, it flies out but I grab the ribbon in time and whirl it above my head. They all see my obvious tactic and separate. 

 

Perfect. 

I grab the hook and jump into the air, launching it back to the ground and yanking myself down with it. They spread out even more upon my hard hitting to the ground. The impact of it made a small dust cloud and I look around. I pick out a chest from my clouded vision and bolt to it. I open it and glance through. In the box there were small toys, old jewelry, metals, and even dining wear. These people stole anything that even looked remotely of value, from even children! 

“There he is!!” 

Oh no! I quickly grab the chest and hold it to my side. Like this I can’t do that again. I’ll have to fight through. I flip the sword in my hands and point it at them again. I see numerous bandits charge at me with their own. I duck under a horizontal slice and trip the wielder. I look up to see another one ready to stab down onto me. Quickly jumping out of the way, I block another slice and kick him in the gut. I start to make my way to the doorway but I am blocked by the guard who was sleeping. Dodging his slices I leap back from his reach. They all surround me, there’s no way to move from this position. Swords gleam as I see the end. No, no!

Stalemate…

“What a minute there boys.”

Everyone surrounding me lifted their head and turned to the source of the voice. It was a large man, who looked similar to Lu Huang. Same dark skin, same hair color, even same stature. 

“Lu...Huang?”

A large haughty laughter similar to Lu Huang’s erupted from the man. 

“You think I’m that worthless punk? You truly are not the same as all the other villagers.”

I stand up straight and adjust my grip on the chest. I stare at him cautiously, as he looks down at me with a toothy grin.

“I’m not Lu Huang, I’m his brother Lu Shan. I take it as you’re having some fun with my boys.”

I shake my head, making my hood fall off, revealing myself to the bandits. 

“I’m here to return the items that ‘your boys’ had stolen from the innocent villagers.”

He laughs again and starts walking over to me. He stop when he reaches right in front of me. 

“Those things are ours. And one way or another We’re taking something today.”

It’s monsters like him that causes the chaos that plagues our homes. I clench my fist and stare at him. He leans down and gets close to my face.

“Whaddya gonna do pretty boy?”

His every word was laced with mockery, But I kept my cool. My lack of reaction seemed to anger him cause his grin went to a frown. 

“HUH!?” He spat. 

I stay silent and tighten my grip on the chest on my side. He glares at me and raises his hand to punch me. As his fist moves towards me I leaned to the left and moves away from him. 

“Ho! Gonna run away now! Ya’ fairy!” he taunts as he takes out a large sword. 

I glare at him as I stand back up from, my jump. 

“Boys! Let’im have it!” he points to me and all the bandits start to close in. 

I quickly glance around and get in a fighting position. They surround me even closer and start slicing, I do my best to dodge and block every attack, but in the end I had to use the chest as a makeshift shield. 

I don’t want to hurt anyone! I don’t want to hurt anyone! 

Bandits continuously charge at me and even when I kick them, hit them with my hilt, or the chest they seemingly multiply. I can’t handle this!

Lu Shan charges in a stabbing motion and I hold up the chest to protect myself, but his sword break through it. His sword was stuck and I took advantage of this. I yank the chest away and kick him down. 

From there, my body moved on it’s own. I had released a flurry of attacks, with the hilt or my feet. Relentlessly I kept kicking him until I sweeped him and stomped on his chest. I lifted my sword and pointed it down to Lu Shan. 

“W-w-wait! I-I’m Sorry! W-we’ll stop! Please!” he begged.

Disgusting…

I lifted my sword higher. 

 

“Please!!” he pleaded.

Vile..

“I’m begging ya’!!! I promise we’ll stop!!!” he bargained

 

Evil.

I pulled my arm down…

“AHH!”

Not again.

I froze. 

My eyes widen, My mouth hangs open, and tears start to form.

No….Not again.  
I’ve seen this face before, a face of begging, pleading. The face of complete and utter fear. The fear of your life. Fearing that it may be the end, of not only your life, but you’re world. I know of this face, I know of this event. 

I have induced this fear.

My recollections were interrupted by an explosion. I look over to see flames rising in the base and bandits panicking. I look up to see Master Pang Tong standing on his battle fan as he comes ever-so-leisurely. 

“Nice job Xu Shu. You stopped the bandits and even made them promise to stop their raiding,” He looks at Lu shan with intimidating eyes, “Right?”

He takes the chest from my hands and flies close to me. I step off of Lu Shan and walk over to Master Pang Tong and bow.

“Y-yes thank you.”

“Now now, Let’s get back to the people. They are anxious to hear of the results.”

“Y-yes Master Pang Tong.” 

We left there as quickly as he had came. I didn’t look back, I didn’t want to look back. I look at my hands as it is naturally trembling. I wanted to move on past what I was.

Maybe I shouldn’t live in this village. 

Upon returning The villagers had gathered in the center and were cheering. Master Pang tong and placed down the chest and everyone ran to it and collected their possessions. I returned Old Mother Ling’s pendant to her and she gave me a large bear hug. I walk back to Lu Huang’s shop to see him and his daughter playing with a ripped doll of hers. 

It must have been the thing Lu Shan stabbed.

I kneel to the small girl as she smiled at me. 

“I’m sorry about the doll.” 

She gave me a big smile and poked my nose while making a ‘boop’ sound. I chuckle and repeat her actions to her.

“So Xu Shu, You’re staying right?” 

I look up to Lu Huang to see him and his wife happily smiling above me. 

“We have an extra room in the house if you don’t mind.”

I was confused, I just had attacked his brother, and he knew that. But Lu Huang is-

“Come on now, don’t give me that face! You can be read like a book with a face like that!” 

He lets out another cheerful laugh and walks over to me. He pats my shoulder, with a more gentle touch and he gives me a sincere smile. 

“It’s not your fault. You did what you had to do. I asked you to.”

I stood there...In shock. Lu Huang was truly the rough man with a heart of gold. He smiles to me and gives me another thumbs up and I nod and smile back. 

“I hope you will take him up on his offer.”

Master Pang tong comes over and rubs his hat, leisurely. He chuckles and pats my back.

“After all this one’s free.”

I look back to Lu Huang and his family. Then look around to the people of the village. This village is full of love and peace even in this age of chaos. 

“I hope you don’t mind me staying with you” I accepted.

I want to protect this peace.


	6. A Distant Hue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding a permanent home isn't easy.

Months had passed before I could even fathom what was happening. The villagers had accepted me and treated me like one of their own quickly, and I deeply appreciate it. They gave up food,clothes, and even gave me some gold to do what I needed and wanted. They were all so kind. 

I wake up to Lu Mei, laying beside me on the couch. Her small frail body has grown from the months, and she is quickly becoming a smart and talented young girl. I sit up, not trying to awake the small child. 

“Roar!” she yells and wraps herself around me. It jump a little and chuckle her cute actions. I then wrap my arms around her and blow into her cheek, causing her to giggle uncontrollably. 

I carry her as I stand up. Wearing my loose black pants and my white long sleeve shirt that Jiang Ping, her mother, had made for me. I can hear the banging of metals in their cellar. Lu Huang must be at work. 

I carry Lu Mei until we reach the kitchen. I place Mei down in her high chair and go to get some food for us. 

“Your mama is asleep so I'll have to feed you.” 

“OK!”

Mei giggles and waves to me from her high chair. As I walk back over to her with bits of meat,feeding her slowly. She bounces in her seat and giggles. She takes a piece from my hand and put it over her teeth and smirks. 

I chuckle and boop her nose playfully. 

“Oh no!” 

I feel arms wrap around me and lift me off of the ground. W-what?!

“Looks like Xu Shu is winning over my little girl!!” 

I look down to see Lu Huang lifting me off the ground. He laughs and twirls me around and Mei laughs along. I kick and squirm in the large man's arms. 

He puts me down and runs my head proudly with another laugh. 

“Daddy!” 

Huang’s attention quickly turn to Mei and he walks over and stays playing with her. 

I chuckle and leave the room to allow the duo some needed time together. I walk over to the Old Mother Ling’ s market and wave to her. 

“Oh Shu! Good to see ya’!”

I walk over to the fruit stand and bow to Ling. 

“Good morning Ling. How are the fruits today?” 

“Ripe,Fresh, and not a single bruise!” 

She laughs proudly and puts her arms on her waist. I look down at her arrangement today, observing the large soiree of bright colored fruit. Red apples, yellow bananas, and even ripe cherries. I buy a few items and leave to go to Master Pang Tong’s shack. 

I follow the hidden brown patch carefully in my casual villager clothes. Having left my green robe at the Lu house. I eat a cherry leisurely as i walk, allowing the sweet taste to roam in my mouth.

I brush past some overgrown bushes and find Master Pang Tong cutting the bushes down. He is laying on his floating battle fan and using wind sorcery to cut the bushes with precision. 

I walk over and bow to him. 

“Master Pang Tong I'm here. I heard you wanted to speak to me?”

“Ah yes. I have something very important to tell you.”

My head tilts as I watch Pang Tong jump up from on his fan and grab it from the air. He cracks some bones as he stretches and rubs his hat. 

“You see, I have actually been called for some very important imperial court things. The Emperor has requested my audience along with Zhuge Liang’s. Perhaps to do something about the growth of the Yellow Turbans.”

Ah,yes. The Yellow Turban Rebellion. A large group of people who proclaim that they are advocates of the heavens even though all they do is spread destruction. They started to.move towards Xinye and even have taken down some villages recently from what I have heard from Master Pang Tong. 

“So I will be leaving the village tonight. In order to help try to suppress these rebels. I want you to watch the village while I am gone.” 

“Of course.” 

“Good. I have faith in you and so do the villagers. “

He pats my shoulder as I bow to him again. I nod as he walks back to the bushes and leans back, as air cumulative under him, he floated ever so gently. 

I took my leave and return back to the village and began doing my daily ‘errands”. Helping Ki Zhuge with his cooking, peeling potatoes for Lady Kuan, babysitting the children, I find no problem in helping the people in these meagre ways. Whatever keeps this village happy…

Pang Tong’s leaving was pretty tearful. Children hugged him and begged him to stay and many of the seniors wept and prayed for a safe return. I simply thanked him for everything and bowed. Master Pang Tong and I have a very leisurely relationship and I hope that he has a fulfilling journey. As he climbed onto a horse and rode away, the villagers and I were left just waving at his back. 

I pray that he comes back….

 

Time passes here so seamlessly. The people grow and change slower than a butterfly. Mei is now almost 2 years old and I'm referred to as ShuShu Shu or Shu Shu.

I'm actually really fond of the nickname. It makes us feel even closer as a family. And I haven't experienced such a feeling in a very long time. Mei seems to be growing nicely and Lu Huang looks like a proud father. 

This new morning I start to pack up for a small hunting trip. I wanted to get some meat for a roast that the villagers said they wanted to try. I had offered to go hunting for the meat. It was going to be a long while before I came back so I gave Mei a kiss on the head and thanked Huang and Ping for the supplies. I put back on my green robe and lift the hood. Huang pats my back.

“Such a nostalgic look.”

I chuckles and nod. It’s been awhile that I even have thought about leaving the village. But At most I would only be gone for a couple of hours. Maybe even until nightfall. 

“I’ll be safe and I’ll be back.”

Huang nods as I turn to leave the house.

“Wait Shu!” 

I turn back to see Ping run over to me as she lifts something and I Immediately recognize it. 

“My chariot piece?”

 

Ping nods proudly. The game piece had a hole through the top and a thin chain in it, making it a necklace. Ping gently dangles it in my face and makes a motion for me to hold out my hand. I do so and she places the makeshift jewelry in my hand. I observe it harder and can’t help but smile. 

“I thought you would like to not be able to drop it anymore. Please cherish it.”

I lower my hood and put it on and look down at the wooden piece with a metal chain. It fills me with happiness just by looking at it. 

“Thank you Ping. This means a lot.” 

She smiles nicely and pull back her short hair. I see strong arms wrap around her playfully and rub her belly. Lu huang chuckles as he leans a head on her shoulder.

“What’s this?! First my daughter and now my wife!? You got some nerve buster!”

I chuckle at his playfulness. I swear he could brighten up any day. I look over to see little Mei standing there with her arms behind her back. She’s looking down with a pout as she kicks an invisible rock. I kneel to her with a smile and she glances up to me. I hold open my arms for a hug, causing her to show me her legendary smile. She holds her arms up to me and as I lean in for a hug she pushes my cheeks together and kisses my nose. 

“Hurry back ShuShu!”

It always catches me off guard how loving this family is. Even the entire village, but that also fills me with gratitude.

I say my final goodbyes and leave the village, entering the forest. 

More time had passed, just like the months. And I was left with a small bag of wolf meat. It wasn’t grand but I’m sure this could feed quite a bit of people. Maybe if I give my ration to the kids instead? Then maybe-

“Go! Believers! The heavens shall rain down their judgement!”

I look over to see a man in a large yellow robe and a group of smaller bandits, also wearing yellow. My eyes widened as I quickly piece it all together. 

The Yellow Turbans!!

I hid behind a bush as I hear the men run off. I watch the leader as he lifts his shaman rod to the sky. Wind circulates under him and he starts to fly. They even have sorcery on their side.

I look around for his lackeys but they were nowhere to be seen. Wait if the Yellow Turbans are here…

The village..!!!

I dropped the bag of wolf meat and dash as fast as I can back to the village.  
This can’t be happening…

I run uncontrollably, my vision blurring from the wind in my eyes. I leap over bushes and slide under branches in my way. The world was nothing but a green blur.

Please...no…

I keep running, as my heart races and drops at the same time. I feel my lungs compress as they struggle to keep up with me. It doesn’t matter, I gotta keep going! My feet are arching, my breath in ragged, and I can barely even see past the wind and tears forming in my eyes. A few more paces as I’ll be-

Snap!

“Huh?” 

I saw a flash of light, that quickly turned red and yellow. No sound erupted but I couldn’t move. My vision went blank and I could only see darkness. 

The village...


	7. A Yellow Spark of Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow is the color of heaven's wrath supposedly.

“Go my believers! These villagers will know! The wrath and the fury of the heavens!”

I ached all over, My eyelids felt heavy, but I forced them up. My eyes move around without forcing my body. I see the dark night sky, and the grass under me. I force my aching hands to clench and grass had accumulated in my palms. I struggle to sit up, as I take slow breaths and movements. I start to lift myself up, arms trembling from my weight. A sharp pain from my side stabbed into me and I fell back onto the ground, groaning. 

I take my hand and place it on the area. Why..am I wet?

I look down at my hand and see my palm covered in blood. My eyes widened in shock as I look around carefully, falling onto my back. I see a silver snapped wire on the ground, connecting to a juggernaut off in the distance. I see..

I was burned by the juggernaut while I was running. And the burn wound went so deep it cause my skin to peel. 

I look around more and breathe in, coughing as the dark air entered my lungs. My cough was strong enough to induce blood out of my mouth and I use my hands to wipe it off. I groan in pain as I look at my surroundings even more. 

I see….fire? FIRE!?

I force myself up, holding my bleeding side and groaning against the strain and pain. My feet wobbling as I turn and lean on a tree in the direction of the fire. 

It’s….the village. The loving village I was once in, engulfed by fire. Sparks flying up and dissipating into the night sky. 

This...cannot be happening…

I wept, as I observed the burning scenery. I push myself off the tree, holding my side and slowly begin to walk in the direction of my burning home. 

There has to be survivors! There must be!

My aching feet turned from slow limping, to struggling strides, to painful jogging. I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted and almost tripped plenty of times, but I kept going. I coughed and spat out blood whenever I needed, but I kept moving.

I finally reached the village, as I look at the rising flames. I reach to my blade and hold my weapon in my right hand, with my left securing my side wound. I jog into the village, doing my best to avoid the cursed flames. 

All I saw in the streets were, corpses and flames. This once bustling street with markets and playing children, now empty and void of any living life. 

There has to be life. There has to be. 

I trot through the streets trying to avoid the flames as best as I can with so much pain building. My panting becomes ragged and I look around helplessly. 

“D-Daddy...Mommy..” 

A voice! I quickly jog my way to its feeble sound. I come to find the building which I know is Lu Huang’s home. I look inside and see raging flames, but underneath it all I heard sobs and whimpers.

“M-mei?” I call out. 

I hear a small gasp and she goes silent, as if still. 

“M-mei. It’s me. It’s ShuShu.”

The weeping started again, this time being louder. I hear movement inside the burning building.

“Mei! Don’t move I’m coming to get you!” I call out to her.

The sounds paused again becoming still. I walk closer to the door and lift my leg weakly. Using every ounce of strength I could muster, I kick the down in. It falls violently, erupting a large thud, and I hear Mei gasp. I walk inside, putting my arm with my sword above my head. 

“Mei! Mei! Where are you?!” 

“ShuShu!” 

I heard quick footsteps and I look down the hall to see her small body running to me. I kneel down, opening my arms to greet her, tears welling in my eyes. When she reached me she hugged me with such fierceness. It hurt when she pressed her arm against my wound and I groaned with pain. She quickly moves away and looks at my blood on her arm. Her eyes had widened and she looks up at me with eyes of fear. 

“ShuShu...you’re..”

I don’t reply, but I lean in and forcefully embrace her. 

She’s alive...Mei’s alive…

Tears fell down my cheeks as I held the small girl in the burning house. I then adjust my grip on her and stand up, carrying her in my arms. She looks at me with concern.

“Mei, is Huang and Ping alright? Are they ok?”

She stayed silent as she hung her head. No...This couldn’t be…

They’re dead too…

Mei leans on my shoulder and begins to cry harder. Her small body leans against my own and she grips my shoulder. I take my free, bloody hand and pet her gently. As I turn and walk out of the house. 

I again limped throughout the streets and looked for any other survivors. MEi didn’t move her head from my shoulder and we sat in heavy, agonizing silence. 

“Mei... do you think...anybody made it?” my voice trembled with each syllable. 

She didn’t respond, but she shook her head. I look away and hold her closer. 

“I...I see.”

Her grip on my shoulder tighten as her sobs increased volume. 

She needs to get away from here.

I quickly turned and jogged out of area, leaving behind the destruction and painful thoughts. It was just Mei and I now. 

Once we left the burning remnants of our home I leaned against a tree and sat with Mei on my lap. I looked down at her and she looked up at me with red, puffy,tearful eyes. She looks down my wound and touches it, causing me to wince. She draws back her hand, panicked and sniffed. 

“D...Don’t die ShuShu..”

I look down at her, as she starts to wail, screaming and bawling profusely as she leans against me and holds me close.

“Don’t die!! Please don’t die!!!”

I couldn’t even fathom what was happening. I look down to the bawling little girl and pet her gently. She was scared, no terrified. And I left her alone to suffer in such a way.

How could I have let this happened?

I look off in the distance and watch the burning village. The scarlet flames flickered and seemed to be the only thing lighting the night. 

“What the hell!?”

A voice? I look over and see Lu Shan. The bandit leader, and Lu Huang’s brother. She had a few of his lackeys with him and they all stared in terror at the burning village. He looks and see me holding a crying Mei. 

“It’s you!” he runs over and kneels to my side. He observes my condition with worried eyes.

Fatigue starts to hit me, my vision blurring a little. My eyelids feel heavy.

“Lu Shan...what’re you doing he-”

“Quiet damnit! I’m trying ta save ya life! Oh shit…” He lashes back. 

Mei looks up at him and shies away and hugs closer to me. She makes a ‘shoo’ motion and frowns.

“G-get away from ShuShu! You’ll only hurt him!”

“Look girlie. I’m the last chance he’s got. So get off of him and We’ll get him a medic.”

I couldn’t register mei’s reaction,but her weight was gone and I was picked him by the sides. I grunted in deep pain as My stomach felt a push of pressure against it. I dangle helplessly, over the figure. 

“Come on, guys! We gotta get him back to the base!” 

My vision starts to leave me and all I could see was the fading moonlight and darkness. I tried to look up, but I could only move my eyes, and all I saw were the sparks. 

Is this really the Heaven’s wrath?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …..yeah. This was…..so sad to type, but hey…...I like angst. I’m so sorry Xu Shu!!! AAHHH!! If only life was sugar and rainbows...But don’t worry he will find happiness….soon enough ^^’ Thanks for reading! See you next chapter!!!


	8. Not a Worthy Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes to better someone else you have to leave

My eyes opens up to the a beige room, with sunlight shining through. I looked over to see an open window, with the breeze coming through gently, allowing the curtains to flow. I look around the room to find that I’m in a bedroom and am on a bed. I look over to see Mei, sleeping on the ground in a fetal position beside the bed. I look down at her and sit up. I feel the breeze from the window and look down at myself. I’m shirtless , other than the bandages on my side. 

So it wasn’t a dream…

I look back down to Mei and gently scoop her into my arms. I lift her up with a bit of force and place her on the bed as I get out of the bed. I look at her and noticed the puffiness around her eyes and how they have dark rings around them too. 

I’’m sorry Mei.

I turn and quietly walk out from the room, leaving Mei to rest. And I notice immediately that we’re in a base. It’s look akin to the inside of Kongming’s house but less traditional and more...eating and drinking men. 

“Fairy! Co’mere!”

I look to see Lu Shan waving to me from a lone seat and a table. I walk over and bow to him. 

“Morning, Lu Shan.”

“Sit down. Have something to eat! You must be famished!”

He now seems to be looking at me with good terms. Then again he did save my life...From what I remember. 

“What happened while I was unconscious?”

Lu Shan’s face went from relaxed to serious and a handmaiden placed a plate of food on my table. I look at the dumplings and my stomach growls. 

“Well, I found ya almost dead beside a tree with the girl so I carried ya back. Got our medic to patch up ya wound and let you and the girl sleep in ma room.”

I grab the dumpling, ignoring the heat, and take a small bite out of it. The sweet outside and savory inside compliment each other very well. 

“Enough about that! Why don’t you get some liquor in your system too?” he leans in and smirks with a playful tone.

“Oh, well, I don’t drink in the mor-”

“Handmaiden!”

He waves over a handmaiden holding a little jar of alcohol and she comes over. He points to me and gives her a thumbs up as she places the jar down, bows, and walks away.

I awkwardly chuckle, lifting my hand in polite protest.

“I don’t need a drink, Plus with Mei under my care I should-”

I trailed off, my words blown out of me by all the realizations and memories from last night. I look down at the dumpling in my hand and my hand trembled. 

“Jiang Ping...Lu Huang...everyone...they’re-”

THUD!

I jump as Lu Shan’s fist had hit the table, even creating a slight crack in the hard material. I look at him and his head was down.

“Let’s…” his voice was feeble and sad, ‘Let’s...not talk about what we had just lost.”

I look down at the dumpling and nod in agreement, biting the food. 

Our table had a heavy silence as we ate. I could see the anguish and mourning on Lu Shan’s face. I stayed quiet and ate the dumpling, leaving the liquor for Lu Shan. After eating 2 dumplings, I asked If I could take a couple and give them to Mei. 

“Go for it, kid’s gotta eat.”

I take the dumpling and leave the base area, walking back into the hall that has Lu Shan’s room. I knocks and come in quietly, Seeing a bump under covers, knowing Mei is awake.I slowly walk over and sit on the floor beside the bed, leaning my back against it. 

“Mei...I have some dumplings for you….please eat.”

Silence. but then I hear shuffling and I look up to see her head poked out from the covers. She looks as if she is shaking and I lift a dumpling to her. I pat the food on her lips and she opens her mouth, taking a small bite of it and chewing. 

We sat in sad silence, as she ate and I fed her. I can’t imagine what could’ve happened. I don’t want to imagine. 

“...First there was a bunch of guys…”

My eyes opened and I looked at her, her face hidden by the blanket.

“They were all wearing yellow, and had big things. They had hurt everyone.”

I nod in response, gently petting where I know her head is. 

“....Daddy tried to fight...but….a big man came, and then fire.”

A big man, the man that must been the one spouting out the lines. 

“The house was on fire...Mommy tried to run..but….the roof in my room….she..she told me to run.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked her, gently.

“Because Mommy, was in trouble. I...I wanted to…”

I sit up and face her on the bed. Poking her back as I let out a heavy sigh. And I climbed in the bed. Wrapping my arm around her she seemed to be distant at first.

“Mei...It’s not your fault...You did your best to save Ping and Huang...there was...nothing you could have done.”

It was I who should have done something. 

She leans into me and I hold her close, trying to comfort her. 

If only I was there. If only I didn’t hit the wire. If only...If only…

My mind swarmed with thoughts, of other possible scenarios, other realities that could have been….If I wasn’t so careless. 

If only…

 

Time passed, and my wound has finally healed up. Mei was distant but she started to bond with her true, uncle Lu Shan. Now we have matching nicknames: ShuShan and ShuShu. It was nice. 

She doesn’t seem to have fully healed from the experience, but she is a child. This experience will haunt her for a while…

It will haunt me for awhile. 

 

I watched as Mei played with Lu Shan. He looked awkward, but having fun nonetheless. Her arms led him as he awkwardly danced with the much smaller figure. I look down at myself, observing my wear and seeing if anything was truly damaged. My robe was burned, but still wearable. I look at the hanging piece of wood, which was now nothing but a charred black. 

I’m sorry Ping. After all that work to make it for me.

I watched Mei play with her weirdly loving uncle Lu Shan. She must look at him and be reminded of Lu Huang all over again. They do look pretty similar. The large built, the tan skin, even same hair and eye color. They looked identical. 

I watch them lovingly and I can’t help but think that...Mei belongs here with him. She shouldn’t be stuck with someone so irresponsible like me. 

I couldn’t even protect her home, like I promised. She deserves better than to stay and travel with me. 

My thoughts swirled, but I agreed that Lu Shan could do a phenomenal job of raising Mei. Mei didn’t need me. 

Mei doesn't need me.

I walk back to Shan’s room and sit on his bed, looking around as I think about gathering my things. Upon realizing all my ‘things’ were lost in the fires, I agreed to leaving after dark. 

They’ll be just fine without me. 

I dust off my burned robe and wait for the night revelries to start. Every night the bandits like to celebrate and enjoy themselves. When I asked Lu Shan about it he said it was a reminder that life was short. So I usually take place in the celebration, but tonight… will be different. 

I walk out of the room, seeing the handmaidens passing around fund and drinks and even feeding some of the bandits. The joyous laughter and cheers as someone chugs a whole jar of Baijiu. Recently, after the village’s burning, they have been partying even harder. 

I guess seeing a whole village destroyed in one day reminded them of how precious life is. 

I snuck behind handmaidens and went around the bandit’s field of drunken vision. After, reaching the opening to the base, I walk out. I have nothing in my hands other than the well-crafted sword Lu Huang had made for me. 

It’s time I leave.

“Hey fairy! Where are ya’ going!?”

I knew that voice, and only one person calls me fairy.

“Lu Shan.” I refused to turn back to him, incase he had Mei with him.

“I’m leaving.”

I didn’t need to look back at him to feel the anger swelling up inside of him.

“You’re running away…”

I knew he would say that.

“If that’s how you see it, then yes.”

I heard his thunderous footsteps, each one send lightning bolts of anxiety down my spine. I refused to move or even show it. His large hand roughly places itself on my shoulder.

“What about Mei...What about the village...What about my brother?!”

He spat out his anger roughly, as if he’s trying to stab me verbally. 

“Mei will be fine. She has you now, right? She...she doesn’t need me.”

His grip squeezed and I winced a little from the pressure. Though his hand trembled.

“Plus...the village is gone...Huang is gone...there’s nothing left for me to protect.”

My body is forcefully turned and all I see is his skin as his fist meets my face painfully. I fall back on the ground from the pain and I hold my nose, now bleeding from the blow. 

“You’re leaving something you can protect! You think that Mei all of the sudden doesn’t want you in her life?! You live with her for months and months but won’t stay here when she truly needs you! You….You….!”

Shan was shaking with rage, absolutely livid. He pulled out his sword from his sheath and pointed it at me. My eyes widened as I looked at the sharp point.

“You don’t deserve to be alive!”

Shan’s eyes were full of tears and I slowly bring myself up. I keep contact as I get into a kneeling position and tighten the grip on my sword and hook. He looks down at me with eyes of anger, his matching eyes to Huang’s now flaming with immense hatred.

“Someone like you, shouldn’t be allowed to leave alive…”

Immediately he lifts his sword and tries to slice me, I jump away, avoiding the deadly slice. He quickly fixes his position and runs at me and starts rapidly slicing. I use my sword and hook to block most of his attacks, ducking and dodging for the rest. His assault was relentless, the flurry of sword slices seeming never ending. 

I duck and kick upwards, hoping to catch him off guard, but he grabs my leg and throw me effortlessly. I Quickly fix my legs to the ground and slide. I look back hoping I didn’t attract anyone’s attention. No one noticed, but then I see a strand of my hair get cut as I jump away again. The strand dangle helplessly to the ground. 

Shan slowly stands up and faces me again. 

“Come one fairy,” He pointed his sword at me, his words rumbling deep from his throat, “Is that all you got?”

I didn’t want to fight Lu Shan. I only wanted to leave, peacefully, But I know the only way to stop him and end this peacefully was ,ironically, attacking. I stand up and grab my hook end as I swing it around. I launch it , and it hooks onto Lu Shan’s weapon. He notices quickly and yanks it back, launching me towards him, I kick him in his gut and pull my hook off. Twirling my sword I wrap the ribbon around numerous of my fingers and I hold the sword firm. I launch at Shan with a flurry of petite sword stabs and slashes, purposely missing him in the process. He attacks back and kicks me away again. 

The pain from my side wound seemed to return from the kick as I roll away from him, holding my gut and side. I cough to let out some aggravated pain. Reopening my eyes to Shan standing above me and getting ready to kill me!

“You let Huang die...and now you are just going to run from it?! Not on my watch, pal!” 

I roll away from the slice, allowing his sword to land into the ground. Iforce myself up quickly and run over and quickly wrap my ribbon around his arms, bounding his fist and I flip over his head, and rendering him immobile. 

Shan helplessly struggled to move away from me, but I held my ground and kicked the back of his knees so he will be kneeling. 

“I’m not running away from responsibility...I’m leaving so you can avoid any more casualties….”

Shan’s struggles stayed ruthless, having me constantly have to yank him back.

“Shan please…”

He slows down.

“Shan please understand.”

He speeds up again.

“Lu Shan!”

He stops. As his head hung low, I heard him sob and whimper and I knew, that he finally broke. 

“All I wanted….was for my brother and I….to be together...All I wanted….”

I look away, unable to bare this. I let Lu hung die, I took away not only Mei’s parents, but Shan’s promise of a future. 

I let go of him releasing his wrist from the ribbon and I step away. Once his hands were free he stayed on all fours on the ground crying and a heavy silence burdened us.

“I’m sorry for letting Huang die...I truly am sorry.”

I walk around Shan and his unmoving body. His walls came towering down and he was broken. I broke this man and I couldn’t forgive it. 

I’m sorry, But you deserve better than what I can offer.

I stepped into the silent forest once more. The moonlight shining and the cool breeze tickling my face. I carried my sword and hook, leisurely as I walked away from yet another failed attempt to find a home and family. I felt my tears begin to swell and trickle down my face.

I’m sorry…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N] *SNIFF SNIFF* I’M SORRY XU SHU BABY!!! Ahh!!!!!! Why can’t he have nice things? Because this story is an angst for a reason. So yeah, this chapter went….down a sad road but don’t worry less sadness to come. And I hope none is confused by the time jumps. If so I don’t mind answering questions! Anyway I hope you enjoyed see you next chapter!!!!


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